Avoiding Sexual Temptation (Part Five)

18“Come, let us take our fill of love until morning;
Let us delight ourselves with love.
19For my husband is not at home;
He has gone on a long journey;
20He has taken a bag of money with him,
And will come home on the appointed day.”
21With her enticing speech she caused him to yield.
With her flattering lips she seduced him.
22Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter,
Or as a fool to the correction of the stocks,
23Till an arrow struck his liver.
As a bird hastens to the snare,
He did not know it would cost his life.
24Now therefore, listen to me, my children;
Pay attention to the words of my mouth:
25Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways,
Do not stray into her paths;
26For she has cast down many wounded,
And all who were slain by her were strong men.
27Her house is the way to hell,
Descending to the chambers of death.
(Proverbs 7:18–27)

• Consider the emptiness (v. 18). Though you take your “fill of love” all the night long, you will come up empty in the morning. There is no lasting satisfaction to any sin, and certainly none in the sexual sort. The delight is short-lived, while the trouble and sorrow may last a lifetime (or longer). Instead, delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the [true] desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4), i.e., delight yourself in passionate love for God (which always includes obedience to Him), since only He can provide that true satisfaction for which your soul is seeking.
• Consider the theft (v. 19). Lust desires what God has not promised; fornication and adultery take what God has not given to you but to another. Covetousness and theft are born of the same root sin: dissatisfaction with God and His gifts. If you lust for an unmarried woman or, worse, actually engage in some sort of sexual sin with her, remember, she belongs to others. For one, she has a father on earth, who has not given her to you or any man until the “I do” at the altar. For another, she has a future husband, whose precious lamb you rob and ruin before he even has sight of her. And lastly, she has a heavenly Father, who sees all and knows how to avenge. If your lust is for a married woman, it is all that, only far worse. “Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding;/He who does so destroys his own soul./Wounds and dishonor he will get,/And his reproach will not be wiped away” (Proverbs 6:32, 33)
• Consider the end (vv. 22–27). Ox to the slaughter, fool to the stocks, arrow in the liver, bird in the snare. Any way you cut it, the man who gives in to sexual temptation is on the downward slope and gaining speed. You may think you are strong enough, you may think “it won’t happen” to you; but every fool who found his way to her house thought the same fool thing. Take the warning of Solomon and the Holy Spirit: “Do not stray into her paths.” Do not go—do not start—down that road for anything—it leads to certain loss of some sort (damaged marriages, ruined reputations, etc.) and the possibility of apostasy and damnation to boot. Repent, guard your heart, discipline yourself to godliness. By God’s grace pursue blamelessness and holiness in this area as in all others. Not only your happiness (and that of others), but your very life and salvation could well depend on it.

“Great and sovereign and merciful God, have mercy on us and lead us in paths of righteousness. By Your Holy Spirit remind us continually of the folly of sexual sin and all sin, and keep us from all covetousness, adultery, and theft. Instead, dear God, fill us with Yourself, fill us with an overwhelming desire for You and Your will, and grant to us complete contentment with all the good gifts You have given us. We pray in Christ’s name. Amen.”

 

Avoiding Sexual Temptation (Part Four)

13So she caught him and kissed him;
With an impudent face she said to him:
14“I have peace offerings with me;
Today I have paid my vows.
15So I came out to meet you,
Diligently to seek your face,
And I have found you.
16I have spread my bed with tapestry,
Colored coverings of Egyptian linen.
17I have perfumed my bed
With myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.”
(Proverbs 7:13–17)

• Don’t be fooled by the “good girl” syndrome or a religious façade (vv. 14, 15). The woman Solomon mentions here came straight from church. There are women as well as men who use religion not only as a cover for their sins but as part of their seduction. Just as Satan can appear as an “angel of light” in order to deceive, so can “a good Christian girl,” seeking religious approval on the one hand while she tempts sexually on the other. And of course, a man can lust for a woman who truly is a good Christian. But you must remember that, were she to live out your fantasies about her, she would be a “harlot,” “adulteress,” “immoral woman,” just the same.

• Don’t be fooled by a false understanding of the gospel (vv. 14, 15). A distorted understanding of the grace and forgiveness of God can trip up man and woman alike. If we find ourselves falling into sexual sin (mental or otherwise), confessing it regularly to God, asking for forgiveness, feeling a bit of relief, and then running out to commit the same sin all over again, part of the gospel message and life is not getting through, namely the part about repentance and holiness. God forgives us so we can live righteously, not so we can have a relieved conscience and then open ourselves right back up to temptation. “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?” (Romans 6:1, 2) “Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators . . . nor adulterers . . . will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9–11)

• Don’t be fooled by the accompanying attractions of sexual sin (vv. 16, 17). The smells, the sights, the tastes, the “joy,” the “satisfaction,” etc., are all as fleeting as a wisp of smoke. John Bunyan appropriately named one of his sexual-temptation characters in Pilgrim’s Progress “Bubble.” “Oh! Look how pretty!”—pop! It is a dream, and when you wake up, it may well be too late, you may be in the claws of misery, destruction, and death itself. Instead, look always to the beauties of Christ and the beauty of holiness to which He calls you. Sexuality is beautiful and full of joy but only in the context of faithful, monogamous, sacrificial, and loving marriage. Sex outside the boundaries set by God always, without exception, has a nasty, wormwood bite to it in the end: “For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey,/And her mouth is smoother than oil;/But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,/Sharp as a two-edged sword.” (Proverbs 7:3, 4)

“Lord God, we give thanks this day for Your saving grace, a grace that goes so far as to save us from sexual sin as well as any other. Thank You for the forgiveness of sins in our Lord Jesus Christ and for Your patient longsuffering with us as we stumble along in our repentance. Grant us the grace to believe the whole gospel, to repent fully and desire holiness; give us wisdom to see the emptiness and futility of sexual sin regardless the overwhelming attraction; and make us to despise anything that is apart from Your holy will. Grant us instead, by Your grace, happy homes with happy marriages, and by Your Spirit help us to do the hard work such marriages require. We pray in Christ’s name. Amen.”

Avoiding Sexual Temptation (Part Three)

11She was loud and rebellious,
Her feet would not stay at home.
12At times she was outside, at times in the open square,
Lurking at every corner.
13So she caught him and kissed him; . . .
21With her enticing speech she caused him to yield,
With her flattering lips she seduced him.
(Proverbs 7:11–13, 21)

Whether single or married, in seeking to avoid sexual temptation, the Scripture admonishes men to be wary of:

• Rebellious, unfaithful, and disloyal women (v. 11; see also v. 19). If a woman is not trustworthy with others, why do you not believe she is deceiving you as well? (She has “a crafty heart”—v. 10.) Such a woman does not have your best interest at heart! If a woman talks disrespectfully or disloyally about her parents or her husband, you are a fool to think you might fare better. A woman who is unfaithful in other ways is a prime suspect for sexual infidelity as well.

• Loud, clamorous, and overly-talkative women (v. 11). “A foolish woman is clamorous.” (Proverbs 9:13—see v. 17 also: the woman described here is an adulteress) “Chatty Cathy” is often a flirt. Loud and raucous women are often that way because they are seeking the attention and approval of men.

• Women who flatter and give lots of and frequent praise (vv. 5, 21). Part of an overly-talkative woman's “strategy” involves lots of “flattering speech.” “Oooh, you’re so strong!” “You’re such a good listener”; “You’re so understanding”; “Your wife sure is lucky to have such a great guy for a husband.” Certainly some women are just very nice and complimentary; you don’t want to be paranoid. But at the same time, women intuitively know men are looking for respect and words of praise and honor, and if a woman wants to attract a man’s attention, she can do it with flattery and praise. This can be true for any man, but especially for those with low self-esteem or a lack of confidence. Men (and women) looking to feel better about themselves are prime targets for sexual temptation and sexual sin.

• Women who are oriented away from home and family (vv. 11, 12). Sexual attraction and sexual relationships are intended for home, husbands, and happy families. Single women who are more oriented toward the “single scene,” or married women who are more interested in trying to keep on living as if they were single, are often going to be more sexually aggressive and for all the wrong reasons. Watch out for dissatisfied housewives, who themselves are often seduced by men or a romantic fantasy.

• Intimate, physical contact with a woman unless you are married to her (v. 13). (Of course hugs and kisses of a non-sexual type are appropriate for mothers and sisters—but you know what I mean.) Giving in “just a little” is usually sin in and of itself, but normally it leads to “much more” anyway. The question “where to draw the line” is usually answered too late. Both men and women become “hooked” emotionally, relationally, and physically the more they succumb to physical, and especially sensual, touching. If a woman or a girl is touching you a lot, putting arms around you, hugging you, getting close to you, kissing you, etc., she is a flirt and most likely a “needy” girl. “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” (1 Corinthians 7:1)

“Heavenly Father, give us men and women who are faithful, and make of us the same. Give us wisdom in our relationships that we might preserve integrity and promote the true love of God and our neighbor. Give wisdom and grace to our sons, husbands, and fathers; grant grace and wisdom likewise to our daughters, wives, and mothers—make of us all the men and women You want us to be, men and women who reflect the glory and purity and holiness of God as found in our faithful Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, in whose name we pray. Amen.”

Avoiding Sexual Temptation (Part Two)

And there a woman met him,
With the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart. (Proverbs 7:10)

• Guard your eyes. Follow Job’s example: “I have made a covenant with my eyes;/Why then should I look upon a young woman?” (Job 31:1) While the heart is always at the root of a sin problem, the eyes are obviously a primary portal by which the world and all its trappings enter into that heart. So if you encounter a woman (or a picture of one) who is immodestly dressed or provocatively dressed, it is advisable to avert your eyes; and if you are required to talk to such a person or be in her company, it is equally advised to keep your eyes at eye-level. The eyes must be disciplined just as any other part of the body.

Whether an immodestly-dressed woman realizes it or not, her dress is meant for seduction—she is soliciting you sexually. Don’t be sucked in by it. But even if a woman is dressed appropriately, a man can look too long and too longingly. Don’t stare—it’s not only rude, it can be dangerous.

Determine not to seek out women or pictures of women who you know will be dressed immodestly, seductively, or in a sexually provocative manner. And if you are a woman, don’t dress in such a way as to seduce. A woman can look attractive without being seductive. Some see gray lines here (“who’s to say?”), but the Bible explicitly teaches that there is such a thing as “the attire of a harlot”: if you care about pleasing God and loving your neighbor, learn what that sort of attire is, and don’t wear it.

• Guard your heart, soul, and mind. “Keep your heart with all diligence,/For out of it spring the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23) “Thorns and snares are in the way of the perverse;/He who guards his soul will be far from them.” (Proverbs 22:5) Going down the wrong path often means taking that path solely in your mind; and “looking” at a woman may simply mean replaying in your memory sights already taken in. If it is wrong to look and lust, it is just as wrong to remember and lust.

Sometimes wrong thoughts cross the mind and may seemingly come out of nowhere. Throw them out immediately; tell them they are not welcome here. Flee tempting thoughts just as vigorously as you might flee flesh-and-blood temptations. Luther gave this wise admonition: “You cannot keep the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.” And you are far less likely to be tempted by immoral thoughts if your head is filled with what is good, true, pure, and honorable to begin with (Philippians 4:8, 9).

Likewise, don’t give your heart and affections and mental attentions to anyone other than your spouse, even if it appears to have no association with your external behavior. Married or not, don’t fantasize. Don’t let your imagination take you running down a path to immoral thoughts—thoughts that represent immoral actions were they acted out in “real” life. Whether you are looking at a live woman, looking at a picture, or letting your imagination conduct the entire show, sexual fantasies are sin, and there is no place for them in the mind of a Christian man or woman.

“Dear God in heaven above, we give You thanks for the eyes in our head and for our ability to behold the beauty of Your creation. We pray that we would be equally attracted to the beauty of Your holiness and that our eyes and hearts would be attuned to both. Help us to discipline our eyes and thoughts and affections to do Your will at all times; deliver us from evil and immoral thoughts, feelings, and actions. Forgive our waywardness, and help us in our repentance, that we might live purely before You in all true manliness and femininity as the men and women You created us to be. We pray in Christ’s name. Amen.”

Avoiding Sexual Temptation (Part One)

1My son, keep my words,
And treasure my commands within you.
2Keep my commands and live,
And my law as the apple of your eye.
3Bind them on your fingers;
Write them on the tablet of your heart.
4Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”
And call understanding your nearest kin,
5That they may keep you from the immoral woman,
From the seductress who flatters with her words.
6For at the window of my house
I looked through my lattice,
7And saw among the simple,
I perceived among the youths,
A young man devoid of understanding,
8Passing along the street near her corner;
And he took the path to her house
9In the twilight, in the evening,
In the black and dark night.
(Proverbs 7:1–9)

• Be wise—don’t be a fool! (vv. 1, 2) The way of wisdom leads to life. The greatest men who ever fell into this sin were playing the part of a fool when they did. Choose to live wisely at every turn.

• Keep yourself immersed in the Word of God and prayer. (v. 3) “How can a young man cleanse his way?/By taking heed according to Your word. . . . Your word I have hidden in my heart,/That I might not sin against You.” (Psalm 119:9, 11)

• Remember the Law of God at all times. (vv. 2, 3) “You shall not commit adultery. . . . You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.” (Exod. 20:14, 17) “Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28)

• Don’t hang out with “fools,” whether they have this “problem” or not (foolishness breeds foolishness). (v. 7) “He who walks with wise men will be wise./But the companion of fools will be destroyed.” (Proverbs 13:20) “Bad company corrupts good morals.” (1 Cor. 15:33)

• Learn to recognize immorality in other people. (v. 5) Look beyond the lipstick. What is in the heart?

• Don’t place yourself in the way of temptation (avoid the “path of the sinner”). (v. 8) If you want to miss the home of sin, don’t go down her street! This often means: turn off the TV; miss the movie; avoid certain bookstores or certain parts of the bookstore; keep somebody with you who will hold you accountable or “keep you safe”; don’t get alone with somebody of the opposite sex (to whom you are not married or closely kin, of course); literally, don’t meet with her at her house (esp. if no one else is around or there are rooms you can sneak off to); get a filter or monitor for the Internet, or get rid of it altogether; don’t talk on the cell phone without accountability; avoid the mall or certain sections of the mall, etc.

• Avoid secrecy—live an open, honest life of integrity. (v. 9) Determine not to do anything that you would not be comfortable having your wife, husband, parents, or someone you respect looking in on it. God is always looking in on it. This is not an exhortation to air all of our dirty laundry for everyone to see—that is not helpful most of the time. But someone should know where we are, what we are doing, and even to a certain extent the state of our thought life, pretty much all of the time. If you are looking at things on the Internet that you would not want your wife to see, you have a problem with secrecy and you are opening yourself up to sexual temptation and sin. If you are having conversations with people you would not want your husband to hear, likewise, you are in danger. Live in the light. Live in such a way that were your entire life—every moment—exposed for all, you would not be ashamed.

“Dear God, our minds, our affections, our hearts, our bodies—all of these belong to You, O God, for You have made us and redeemed us—we have been bought at a great price, the price of Your own Son’s blood. Keep us from sin, we pray, dear God; guard us from immorality of any shade, shape, or form. Fill our hearts and lives with Your Holy Spirit that we might be holy as You are holy, pure as our Lord Jesus Christ, in whose name we pray. Amen.”

The Root of All Good Marriages: Knowing and Loving God (Part Two)

“I love those who love me,
And those who seek me diligently will find me.” (Proverbs 8:17)

The degree to which you know and love God determines without exception the degree to which you will have success in knowing and loving your spouse.

Why is that? One of the reasons for this is that knowing and loving God results in becoming like Him. God is good, faithful, loving, and kind: those who love Him, admire Him, are in awe of Him, and lap up the wisdom found in Him will automatically grow to be more and more good, faithful, loving, and kind themselves. The same is true in regard to any characteristic or attribute of God: you “become” what you love. I don’t mean you become God, of course, but that you become “god-ly,” that is, like God. And there is no truly happy home unless it is first a godly home.

Another reason knowing and loving God is the root of all good marriages is that knowing and loving God means having God on your side. If you are building anything, but especially in building a marriage, you need to have God on your side because just about everything and everybody else, it seems, is pulling down as fast as you put up. Every marriage has its enemies: among them are the devil himself and the whole world of folks all around you who often act like the devil, not to mention your own tendency to do the stupid thing and sin a good bit of the time. God loves and cares for those who love Him, and the more you are “in good” with God, the more you are going to call on Him in time of need, fight with the weapons He supplies you, and follow His directions in the midst of the battle. Like Nehemiah and the warrior-builders at the Jerusalem wall (Nehemiah 4:17), we need a trowel in one hand and a sword in the other—and a prayer continually on our lips because “unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it” (Psalm 127:1).

Yet another reason knowing and loving God has to come first in any marriage is the fact that God is your Creator. If anybody knows what makes for a good, successful marriage, it is the God who set it all up in the first place. God really does know best, and He is not sitting up there in heaven trying to keep His wisdom-for-living a secret from you or anybody else. The invitation is open to anyone who is willing to learn this stuff, but if you are not sitting at His feet, using His textbook, memorizing His diagrams and formulas, and if you are not taking what you are learning and applying it in the great lab-room of life, you are just flat-out going to fail, no question.

The question is, Do you really want to get to know God and learn to love Him? Do you really want to know Him and know what He thinks is important—about Himself, about the world, about yourself, about your spouse, about marriage? If you do, I have good news: God promises that those who come looking for Him (earnestly and sincerely) will, without fail, find Him.

“Lord God, we pray again You would make us like You, for You are the perfect Spouse and You do all things right in Your own marriage to us. Teach us according to Your Word and by Your Holy Spirit how we are to conduct ourselves in our marriages. You alone have created us, and You alone have created the institution of marriage; so You alone can really teach us and guide us in our own marriages. We pray, dear God, we would know You and love You above all others and that You would grant us the grace to really know and love our own spouses. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”

Holding the City Walls

“Whoever has no rule over his own spirit
Is like a city broken down, without walls.” (Proverbs 25:28)

We treat many of our sins in a passive sort of way, as things that simply “come over us,” as if there were nothing we could do about them. We “can’t help ourselves,” we say, whether it is a rush of anger, a “mood” of despondency or depression, falling into a passion of lust, or the avoidance of some duty through fear, indecision, or just plain laziness.

But the Bible knows better. We are to rule over our own spirits. We are little cities in microcosm, and our sins are our enemies. When we let our guard down, and especially when we do this on a habitual basis, the walls are breached, and our cities are occupied by our enemies, who continue to carry out their designs and govern our cities for us.

But we are not to let sin reign in our mortal bodies, in our little cities. (Romans 6:12) By God’s grace, we do have the ability to hold the walls: to control our temper, to walk away from temptation, to keep our tongues from evil, to face our fears, to rejoice always even when other “spirits” within us fight against us to the contrary.

God’s grace is the key, of course, and we begin to pray for the grace to obey by praying for God’s grace in mercy, forgiveness, and repentance. Confess your sins now before the Lord, asking Him to deliver you from them, as well as asking Him to fill you with a spirit of obedience and self-control.

“Lord God, we confess our utter inability in and of ourselves to keep ourselves from sin, and we confess our lack of diligence in holding the walls of our spirit by resisting the enemies of sin, temptation, and the devil. Forgive us, dear God, for our “letting our guard down” and for our allowing sin to get the upper hand, and grant us the grace to rule over our spirits consistently and persistently. We give You thanks for Your own Holy Spirit, who resides within us, and pray You would fill us with Him and the holy fruit of self-control He produces. Help us to set a guard over our tongues, to control our temper, and to do Your will and obey Your voice regardless our feelings or “spirit” to the contrary. Grant to us, dear Lord, merciful Father, true and lasting repentance, we pray in Christ’s name. Amen.”

Trust

“The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.” (Proverbs 31:11)

Many describe “trust” as the number one characteristic of successful marriages. Whether it is number one or not, it is certainly among the chief, and there is no good marriage without it. The best kind of woman is the one who is trustworthy. When a man is looking for a wife, or evaluating a woman as to her fitness as his wife, he should seek to understand if she is counted trustworthy—by her parents, by her friends, by her employer, etc.

The woman described by Solomon here is dependable, her word is good, she follows through with her commitments. And, as a result, prosperity ensues. If there is lack of gain, it won’t be because of her. The economy might crash, other “friends” may not come through, the weather may not cooperate; but this virtuous woman is a woman you can set your clock by. She will be there, with her hat on, sleeves rolled up, and ready to think, do, and say whatever love and devotion call her to. She loves her husband and desires his success, and so this is what she pursues with a passion.

But a man can hardly expect trustworthiness out of a wife if he is not completely trustworthy himself. Not only will his faithfulness, reliability, honesty, forthrightness, integrity, loyalty, and devotion encourage and be an example for the same in her, but, just as surely, the absence of such things will undermine the relationship whether she is trustworthy or not. Again, no relationship can survive where trust is not present, and broken trust robs the relationship of the necessary atmosphere it needs for trust to be able to breathe and thrive.

Likewise, when a husband does not freely give his trust to his wife, e.g., if he treats her as though she cannot be trusted with the cares of the household, or if he is continually telling her how incompetent she is, she will grow neither to trust him nor herself—and again the marriage breaks down. Trust is essential, and trust must be given as well as earned. A woman’s (or, for that matter, anyone’s) maturity and success depend on our trusting them enough to give them the room and responsibility to build and demonstrate their trustworthiness. Belittling criticism, crippling perfectionism, and prideful micromanagement have destroyed trust in as many relationships as anything else. A faithful husband loves his wife and pulls for her success as equally as he expects her to pull for his, and in this way the whole ball of trustworthiness in their relationship is bound up and repeatedly fed by love.

As with all else, trust between husband and wife begins and ends with their respective trust in and devotion to God. Trusting in the Lord with all your heart (Proverbs 3:5, 6) is the only true foundation for trustworthiness in marriage or any other relationship. If we devote ourselves to the “gain” or success of God’s glory and kingdom by trusting in His Word and His ways, we will be more and more successful in becoming those who can be relied upon by others. After all, this virtue as all others is understood and known best when looking to God: Who is more trustworthy than He?

“Heavenly Father, we give thanks for Your trustworthiness and faithfulness and pray You would make us trustworthy in all of our relationships—uppermost in our relationship with You and second uppermost in our relationships with our spouses. By Your grace, help us to restore any trust that has been broken, and build in us by Your Spirit and Word the trust that is necessary for the success of any marriage. We pray this by faith and in the name of the Son of God, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.”

Far above Rubies

“Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10)

I give thanks to God this day (as all days) for my wife. I was not altogether a fool when I found her, but I was enough of one then for me now to say that I owe it all to the grace of God that I ended up with such an excellent woman, such a virtuous wife. One of the marks of her being such a woman is that she has such a hard time believing that she is. But she aspires to be, longs to be, and that desire, itself a precious gift from God, is what has made her so to excel. She was a rare find when I found her, and now after more than a quarter of century later, she is rarer still.

What kind of woman is this woman Solomon describes? For one thing, she is a woman worth finding, that is, worth looking for, worth waiting for. She is a rare woman, the cream of the crop, so to speak, a noblewoman, a leader among women. She is the kind of woman God wants every son of His to have—as well as the kind of woman God wants every daughter of His to be.

She is a virtuous woman, a mighty woman, a woman of valor, the excellent woman. She is all of these precisely because she is a woman “who fears the Lord.” (Proverbs 31:30) She loves God best above all else, and therefore all else finds its perfect place in her life. She serves God first, and therefore she serves others—and herself—well. She prays to God, asking for His help in all areas of her life, and therefore the other areas of her life receive the help of God. The foundation for all of the excellencies in her life is her faith in God who blesses her so as to excel.

Her worth is far above rubies. In another spot Solomon puts it this way: “Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers,/But a prudent wife is from the Lord.” One can have all the wealth and property, power and position the world has to offer, but none are as valuable as a good and godly woman. A man should devote himself far more (in prayer, in contemplation, in preparation, etc.) to his “search” for a good wife than he does to seeking after wealth. And while he should give thanks for “houses and riches,” he should be far more thankful for the good wife God has given him.

Let a man himself be worthy of such a wife: if she is worth far more than diamonds, how much more should he be worth all the gold and silver in the world. To have a good spouse, one should be the kind of spouse who will both attract and complement the best of mates. God make me such a man. God make both of us all He wants us to be, that we might glorify Him who is worth all honor and excellence and virtue from the crown of His creation.

“Lord God, we give You thanks this day for virtuous women, and we pray for our own wives and daughters and mothers that they would be such women as love You and worship You and delight in You more than anything else. Grant to our sons such women for wives, and make of them such men as deserve them. Grant that we all may excel in virtue, pursue Your perfections, and model our lives after our Lord Jesus Christ, in whose glorious name we pray. Amen.”

Love Thyself

He who gets wisdom loves his own soul;
He who keeps understanding will find good. (Proverbs 19:8)

He who disdains instruction despises his own soul,
But he who heeds rebuke gets understanding. (Proverbs 15:32)

There is a common teaching among Christians that one must learn to love oneself before he can ever hope to learn to love others. This teaching is based on one of the two “great” commandments, quoted by Christ from the Law: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The Bible, however, in one sense already presupposes that we love ourselves, and in fact states in one spot (Ephesians 5:29), “No one ever hated his own flesh.” It would seem self-love to the exclusion of other-love is far more the problem than not.

We can, however, love ourselves either wisely or foolishly. The first proverb quoted above states it positively: If you are really going to love yourself, if you are really going to find good for yourself, if you really want to pursue happiness and blessedness and satisfaction for yourself (and who doesn’t?), then the way to love yourself truly is through the pursuit of true wisdom, the kind of wisdom that is found only in God the source of all wisdom. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” (Proverbs 9:10) So, yes, we must love ourselves in order to love others; but the only way truly to love ourselves is to love God and pursue the one path of wisdom He has designed for all those who love Him.

The other proverb presents the same thing from a negative point of view: If you hate the wisdom of God, if you despise His rebukes and His instruction, then you hate yourself. There is no “nice” way of putting this. Hate God and hate His wisdom, and you most definitely despise and abhor yourself. You may be selfish in not loving God, but you are foolishly selfish, because you are doing the worst thing in the world for yourself: you are hating your self’s greatest Good.

Do you love yourself? Then love yourself wisely and do yourself the greatest favor you can: Love God uppermost and pursue His way of wisdom rather than foolishly rejecting His loving rebukes and all-wise instruction. Love wisdom, and she promises to love you back (Proverbs 8:17); “love her, and she will keep you” (4:6). You cannot learn to love yourself, not truly, apart from learning to love God. Rather, you will learn to love yourself best by learning to love God and His ways.

“Great God in heaven above, teach us to love ourselves wisely by loving You above all and by pursuing Your way of wisdom. Teach us as well to love our neighbors as ourselves by leading them to love You and by loving them as You have loved us. We give thanks this day for Your love and Your wisdom and for granting them to us through our Lord Jesus Christ, in whose name we pray. Amen.”

“Better-Than” Wisdom Fleshed Out a Little

“Better a dry morsel with quietness,
Than a house full of feasting with strife.”
(Proverbs 17:1)

Better a 750-square-foot apartment with a cramped but happy family,
Than 3000 square feet of luxury and constant fighting.

Better one small salary and a serene couple,
Than two lucrative incomes and a marriage strained to the point of bust-up.

Better to get by on pennies and be at peace with each other,
Than to load up on stuff and stuff and more stuff and then fight over it.

Better to be poor and content,
Than to be rich and never satisfied.

Better to picnic at the park,
Than to blow the bank on a vacation that begins and ends in an argument.

Better to sit down to your beans and rice with a clear conscience,
Than trying to digest ribeye on a guilty stomach.

Better wafers and "the cheap stuff" with the peace of Christ,
Than forty-dollar wine, a loaf of the finest, and strife and envy to go along with it.

Better a PB & J with kids under control,
Than fine restaurant dining with kids that are not.

Better fat souls with thin bellies,
Than full bellies and lean souls.

Better to have little and be grateful,
Than to have much and be easily peeved.

“Lord God, we give thanks for all You have given us, great and small, and we give thanks for peace in our midst. Grant us contentment with our “dry morsels,” and forgive us for striving and arguing and chafing when the feasting is so plentiful. Grant us wisdom to choose peace over prosperity when the choice is before us, and multiply our peace in our prosperity, O God. We pray in Christ’s name. Amen.”