Trust

“The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.” (Proverbs 31:11)

Many describe “trust” as the number one characteristic of successful marriages. Whether it is number one or not, it is certainly among the chief, and there is no good marriage without it. The best kind of woman is the one who is trustworthy. When a man is looking for a wife, or evaluating a woman as to her fitness as his wife, he should seek to understand if she is counted trustworthy—by her parents, by her friends, by her employer, etc.

The woman described by Solomon here is dependable, her word is good, she follows through with her commitments. And, as a result, prosperity ensues. If there is lack of gain, it won’t be because of her. The economy might crash, other “friends” may not come through, the weather may not cooperate; but this virtuous woman is a woman you can set your clock by. She will be there, with her hat on, sleeves rolled up, and ready to think, do, and say whatever love and devotion call her to. She loves her husband and desires his success, and so this is what she pursues with a passion.

But a man can hardly expect trustworthiness out of a wife if he is not completely trustworthy himself. Not only will his faithfulness, reliability, honesty, forthrightness, integrity, loyalty, and devotion encourage and be an example for the same in her, but, just as surely, the absence of such things will undermine the relationship whether she is trustworthy or not. Again, no relationship can survive where trust is not present, and broken trust robs the relationship of the necessary atmosphere it needs for trust to be able to breathe and thrive.

Likewise, when a husband does not freely give his trust to his wife, e.g., if he treats her as though she cannot be trusted with the cares of the household, or if he is continually telling her how incompetent she is, she will grow neither to trust him nor herself—and again the marriage breaks down. Trust is essential, and trust must be given as well as earned. A woman’s (or, for that matter, anyone’s) maturity and success depend on our trusting them enough to give them the room and responsibility to build and demonstrate their trustworthiness. Belittling criticism, crippling perfectionism, and prideful micromanagement have destroyed trust in as many relationships as anything else. A faithful husband loves his wife and pulls for her success as equally as he expects her to pull for his, and in this way the whole ball of trustworthiness in their relationship is bound up and repeatedly fed by love.

As with all else, trust between husband and wife begins and ends with their respective trust in and devotion to God. Trusting in the Lord with all your heart (Proverbs 3:5, 6) is the only true foundation for trustworthiness in marriage or any other relationship. If we devote ourselves to the “gain” or success of God’s glory and kingdom by trusting in His Word and His ways, we will be more and more successful in becoming those who can be relied upon by others. After all, this virtue as all others is understood and known best when looking to God: Who is more trustworthy than He?

“Heavenly Father, we give thanks for Your trustworthiness and faithfulness and pray You would make us trustworthy in all of our relationships—uppermost in our relationship with You and second uppermost in our relationships with our spouses. By Your grace, help us to restore any trust that has been broken, and build in us by Your Spirit and Word the trust that is necessary for the success of any marriage. We pray this by faith and in the name of the Son of God, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.”