Avoiding Sexual Temptation (Part Five)

18“Come, let us take our fill of love until morning;
Let us delight ourselves with love.
19For my husband is not at home;
He has gone on a long journey;
20He has taken a bag of money with him,
And will come home on the appointed day.”
21With her enticing speech she caused him to yield.
With her flattering lips she seduced him.
22Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter,
Or as a fool to the correction of the stocks,
23Till an arrow struck his liver.
As a bird hastens to the snare,
He did not know it would cost his life.
24Now therefore, listen to me, my children;
Pay attention to the words of my mouth:
25Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways,
Do not stray into her paths;
26For she has cast down many wounded,
And all who were slain by her were strong men.
27Her house is the way to hell,
Descending to the chambers of death.
(Proverbs 7:18–27)

• Consider the emptiness (v. 18). Though you take your “fill of love” all the night long, you will come up empty in the morning. There is no lasting satisfaction to any sin, and certainly none in the sexual sort. The delight is short-lived, while the trouble and sorrow may last a lifetime (or longer). Instead, delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the [true] desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4), i.e., delight yourself in passionate love for God (which always includes obedience to Him), since only He can provide that true satisfaction for which your soul is seeking.
• Consider the theft (v. 19). Lust desires what God has not promised; fornication and adultery take what God has not given to you but to another. Covetousness and theft are born of the same root sin: dissatisfaction with God and His gifts. If you lust for an unmarried woman or, worse, actually engage in some sort of sexual sin with her, remember, she belongs to others. For one, she has a father on earth, who has not given her to you or any man until the “I do” at the altar. For another, she has a future husband, whose precious lamb you rob and ruin before he even has sight of her. And lastly, she has a heavenly Father, who sees all and knows how to avenge. If your lust is for a married woman, it is all that, only far worse. “Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding;/He who does so destroys his own soul./Wounds and dishonor he will get,/And his reproach will not be wiped away” (Proverbs 6:32, 33)
• Consider the end (vv. 22–27). Ox to the slaughter, fool to the stocks, arrow in the liver, bird in the snare. Any way you cut it, the man who gives in to sexual temptation is on the downward slope and gaining speed. You may think you are strong enough, you may think “it won’t happen” to you; but every fool who found his way to her house thought the same fool thing. Take the warning of Solomon and the Holy Spirit: “Do not stray into her paths.” Do not go—do not start—down that road for anything—it leads to certain loss of some sort (damaged marriages, ruined reputations, etc.) and the possibility of apostasy and damnation to boot. Repent, guard your heart, discipline yourself to godliness. By God’s grace pursue blamelessness and holiness in this area as in all others. Not only your happiness (and that of others), but your very life and salvation could well depend on it.

“Great and sovereign and merciful God, have mercy on us and lead us in paths of righteousness. By Your Holy Spirit remind us continually of the folly of sexual sin and all sin, and keep us from all covetousness, adultery, and theft. Instead, dear God, fill us with Yourself, fill us with an overwhelming desire for You and Your will, and grant to us complete contentment with all the good gifts You have given us. We pray in Christ’s name. Amen.”

 

Avoiding Sexual Temptation (Part Four)

13So she caught him and kissed him;
With an impudent face she said to him:
14“I have peace offerings with me;
Today I have paid my vows.
15So I came out to meet you,
Diligently to seek your face,
And I have found you.
16I have spread my bed with tapestry,
Colored coverings of Egyptian linen.
17I have perfumed my bed
With myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.”
(Proverbs 7:13–17)

• Don’t be fooled by the “good girl” syndrome or a religious façade (vv. 14, 15). The woman Solomon mentions here came straight from church. There are women as well as men who use religion not only as a cover for their sins but as part of their seduction. Just as Satan can appear as an “angel of light” in order to deceive, so can “a good Christian girl,” seeking religious approval on the one hand while she tempts sexually on the other. And of course, a man can lust for a woman who truly is a good Christian. But you must remember that, were she to live out your fantasies about her, she would be a “harlot,” “adulteress,” “immoral woman,” just the same.

• Don’t be fooled by a false understanding of the gospel (vv. 14, 15). A distorted understanding of the grace and forgiveness of God can trip up man and woman alike. If we find ourselves falling into sexual sin (mental or otherwise), confessing it regularly to God, asking for forgiveness, feeling a bit of relief, and then running out to commit the same sin all over again, part of the gospel message and life is not getting through, namely the part about repentance and holiness. God forgives us so we can live righteously, not so we can have a relieved conscience and then open ourselves right back up to temptation. “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?” (Romans 6:1, 2) “Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators . . . nor adulterers . . . will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9–11)

• Don’t be fooled by the accompanying attractions of sexual sin (vv. 16, 17). The smells, the sights, the tastes, the “joy,” the “satisfaction,” etc., are all as fleeting as a wisp of smoke. John Bunyan appropriately named one of his sexual-temptation characters in Pilgrim’s Progress “Bubble.” “Oh! Look how pretty!”—pop! It is a dream, and when you wake up, it may well be too late, you may be in the claws of misery, destruction, and death itself. Instead, look always to the beauties of Christ and the beauty of holiness to which He calls you. Sexuality is beautiful and full of joy but only in the context of faithful, monogamous, sacrificial, and loving marriage. Sex outside the boundaries set by God always, without exception, has a nasty, wormwood bite to it in the end: “For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey,/And her mouth is smoother than oil;/But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,/Sharp as a two-edged sword.” (Proverbs 7:3, 4)

“Lord God, we give thanks this day for Your saving grace, a grace that goes so far as to save us from sexual sin as well as any other. Thank You for the forgiveness of sins in our Lord Jesus Christ and for Your patient longsuffering with us as we stumble along in our repentance. Grant us the grace to believe the whole gospel, to repent fully and desire holiness; give us wisdom to see the emptiness and futility of sexual sin regardless the overwhelming attraction; and make us to despise anything that is apart from Your holy will. Grant us instead, by Your grace, happy homes with happy marriages, and by Your Spirit help us to do the hard work such marriages require. We pray in Christ’s name. Amen.”

Avoiding Sexual Temptation (Part Three)

11She was loud and rebellious,
Her feet would not stay at home.
12At times she was outside, at times in the open square,
Lurking at every corner.
13So she caught him and kissed him; . . .
21With her enticing speech she caused him to yield,
With her flattering lips she seduced him.
(Proverbs 7:11–13, 21)

Whether single or married, in seeking to avoid sexual temptation, the Scripture admonishes men to be wary of:

• Rebellious, unfaithful, and disloyal women (v. 11; see also v. 19). If a woman is not trustworthy with others, why do you not believe she is deceiving you as well? (She has “a crafty heart”—v. 10.) Such a woman does not have your best interest at heart! If a woman talks disrespectfully or disloyally about her parents or her husband, you are a fool to think you might fare better. A woman who is unfaithful in other ways is a prime suspect for sexual infidelity as well.

• Loud, clamorous, and overly-talkative women (v. 11). “A foolish woman is clamorous.” (Proverbs 9:13—see v. 17 also: the woman described here is an adulteress) “Chatty Cathy” is often a flirt. Loud and raucous women are often that way because they are seeking the attention and approval of men.

• Women who flatter and give lots of and frequent praise (vv. 5, 21). Part of an overly-talkative woman's “strategy” involves lots of “flattering speech.” “Oooh, you’re so strong!” “You’re such a good listener”; “You’re so understanding”; “Your wife sure is lucky to have such a great guy for a husband.” Certainly some women are just very nice and complimentary; you don’t want to be paranoid. But at the same time, women intuitively know men are looking for respect and words of praise and honor, and if a woman wants to attract a man’s attention, she can do it with flattery and praise. This can be true for any man, but especially for those with low self-esteem or a lack of confidence. Men (and women) looking to feel better about themselves are prime targets for sexual temptation and sexual sin.

• Women who are oriented away from home and family (vv. 11, 12). Sexual attraction and sexual relationships are intended for home, husbands, and happy families. Single women who are more oriented toward the “single scene,” or married women who are more interested in trying to keep on living as if they were single, are often going to be more sexually aggressive and for all the wrong reasons. Watch out for dissatisfied housewives, who themselves are often seduced by men or a romantic fantasy.

• Intimate, physical contact with a woman unless you are married to her (v. 13). (Of course hugs and kisses of a non-sexual type are appropriate for mothers and sisters—but you know what I mean.) Giving in “just a little” is usually sin in and of itself, but normally it leads to “much more” anyway. The question “where to draw the line” is usually answered too late. Both men and women become “hooked” emotionally, relationally, and physically the more they succumb to physical, and especially sensual, touching. If a woman or a girl is touching you a lot, putting arms around you, hugging you, getting close to you, kissing you, etc., she is a flirt and most likely a “needy” girl. “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” (1 Corinthians 7:1)

“Heavenly Father, give us men and women who are faithful, and make of us the same. Give us wisdom in our relationships that we might preserve integrity and promote the true love of God and our neighbor. Give wisdom and grace to our sons, husbands, and fathers; grant grace and wisdom likewise to our daughters, wives, and mothers—make of us all the men and women You want us to be, men and women who reflect the glory and purity and holiness of God as found in our faithful Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, in whose name we pray. Amen.”

Avoiding Sexual Temptation (Part Two)

And there a woman met him,
With the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart. (Proverbs 7:10)

• Guard your eyes. Follow Job’s example: “I have made a covenant with my eyes;/Why then should I look upon a young woman?” (Job 31:1) While the heart is always at the root of a sin problem, the eyes are obviously a primary portal by which the world and all its trappings enter into that heart. So if you encounter a woman (or a picture of one) who is immodestly dressed or provocatively dressed, it is advisable to avert your eyes; and if you are required to talk to such a person or be in her company, it is equally advised to keep your eyes at eye-level. The eyes must be disciplined just as any other part of the body.

Whether an immodestly-dressed woman realizes it or not, her dress is meant for seduction—she is soliciting you sexually. Don’t be sucked in by it. But even if a woman is dressed appropriately, a man can look too long and too longingly. Don’t stare—it’s not only rude, it can be dangerous.

Determine not to seek out women or pictures of women who you know will be dressed immodestly, seductively, or in a sexually provocative manner. And if you are a woman, don’t dress in such a way as to seduce. A woman can look attractive without being seductive. Some see gray lines here (“who’s to say?”), but the Bible explicitly teaches that there is such a thing as “the attire of a harlot”: if you care about pleasing God and loving your neighbor, learn what that sort of attire is, and don’t wear it.

• Guard your heart, soul, and mind. “Keep your heart with all diligence,/For out of it spring the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23) “Thorns and snares are in the way of the perverse;/He who guards his soul will be far from them.” (Proverbs 22:5) Going down the wrong path often means taking that path solely in your mind; and “looking” at a woman may simply mean replaying in your memory sights already taken in. If it is wrong to look and lust, it is just as wrong to remember and lust.

Sometimes wrong thoughts cross the mind and may seemingly come out of nowhere. Throw them out immediately; tell them they are not welcome here. Flee tempting thoughts just as vigorously as you might flee flesh-and-blood temptations. Luther gave this wise admonition: “You cannot keep the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.” And you are far less likely to be tempted by immoral thoughts if your head is filled with what is good, true, pure, and honorable to begin with (Philippians 4:8, 9).

Likewise, don’t give your heart and affections and mental attentions to anyone other than your spouse, even if it appears to have no association with your external behavior. Married or not, don’t fantasize. Don’t let your imagination take you running down a path to immoral thoughts—thoughts that represent immoral actions were they acted out in “real” life. Whether you are looking at a live woman, looking at a picture, or letting your imagination conduct the entire show, sexual fantasies are sin, and there is no place for them in the mind of a Christian man or woman.

“Dear God in heaven above, we give You thanks for the eyes in our head and for our ability to behold the beauty of Your creation. We pray that we would be equally attracted to the beauty of Your holiness and that our eyes and hearts would be attuned to both. Help us to discipline our eyes and thoughts and affections to do Your will at all times; deliver us from evil and immoral thoughts, feelings, and actions. Forgive our waywardness, and help us in our repentance, that we might live purely before You in all true manliness and femininity as the men and women You created us to be. We pray in Christ’s name. Amen.”

Avoiding Sexual Temptation (Part One)

1My son, keep my words,
And treasure my commands within you.
2Keep my commands and live,
And my law as the apple of your eye.
3Bind them on your fingers;
Write them on the tablet of your heart.
4Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”
And call understanding your nearest kin,
5That they may keep you from the immoral woman,
From the seductress who flatters with her words.
6For at the window of my house
I looked through my lattice,
7And saw among the simple,
I perceived among the youths,
A young man devoid of understanding,
8Passing along the street near her corner;
And he took the path to her house
9In the twilight, in the evening,
In the black and dark night.
(Proverbs 7:1–9)

• Be wise—don’t be a fool! (vv. 1, 2) The way of wisdom leads to life. The greatest men who ever fell into this sin were playing the part of a fool when they did. Choose to live wisely at every turn.

• Keep yourself immersed in the Word of God and prayer. (v. 3) “How can a young man cleanse his way?/By taking heed according to Your word. . . . Your word I have hidden in my heart,/That I might not sin against You.” (Psalm 119:9, 11)

• Remember the Law of God at all times. (vv. 2, 3) “You shall not commit adultery. . . . You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.” (Exod. 20:14, 17) “Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28)

• Don’t hang out with “fools,” whether they have this “problem” or not (foolishness breeds foolishness). (v. 7) “He who walks with wise men will be wise./But the companion of fools will be destroyed.” (Proverbs 13:20) “Bad company corrupts good morals.” (1 Cor. 15:33)

• Learn to recognize immorality in other people. (v. 5) Look beyond the lipstick. What is in the heart?

• Don’t place yourself in the way of temptation (avoid the “path of the sinner”). (v. 8) If you want to miss the home of sin, don’t go down her street! This often means: turn off the TV; miss the movie; avoid certain bookstores or certain parts of the bookstore; keep somebody with you who will hold you accountable or “keep you safe”; don’t get alone with somebody of the opposite sex (to whom you are not married or closely kin, of course); literally, don’t meet with her at her house (esp. if no one else is around or there are rooms you can sneak off to); get a filter or monitor for the Internet, or get rid of it altogether; don’t talk on the cell phone without accountability; avoid the mall or certain sections of the mall, etc.

• Avoid secrecy—live an open, honest life of integrity. (v. 9) Determine not to do anything that you would not be comfortable having your wife, husband, parents, or someone you respect looking in on it. God is always looking in on it. This is not an exhortation to air all of our dirty laundry for everyone to see—that is not helpful most of the time. But someone should know where we are, what we are doing, and even to a certain extent the state of our thought life, pretty much all of the time. If you are looking at things on the Internet that you would not want your wife to see, you have a problem with secrecy and you are opening yourself up to sexual temptation and sin. If you are having conversations with people you would not want your husband to hear, likewise, you are in danger. Live in the light. Live in such a way that were your entire life—every moment—exposed for all, you would not be ashamed.

“Dear God, our minds, our affections, our hearts, our bodies—all of these belong to You, O God, for You have made us and redeemed us—we have been bought at a great price, the price of Your own Son’s blood. Keep us from sin, we pray, dear God; guard us from immorality of any shade, shape, or form. Fill our hearts and lives with Your Holy Spirit that we might be holy as You are holy, pure as our Lord Jesus Christ, in whose name we pray. Amen.”